President Trump leafed through the MAHA report moments before its public release, scanning the document that laid the blame for chronic disease in children on everything from ultra-processed foods and a lack of exercise to toxic chemicals and overprescription of medicines.

A subversive attempt to drive a wedge between MAGA influencers and their new MAHA allies was discovered and subsequently rejected like a pathogen from the online GOP body politic. The occasion for the war that wasn’t: a push to ban sugary drinks from the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program.